If It Hurts It Is Not Love

Toxic relationships appear to arise when two or more antagonistic individuals meet.

Our mind can make us be, believe and want anything. In other words, we cannot choose our parents or siblings, nor can we choose what we like or with whom we fall in love, but it is in us to choose wether to be weak and dependent or strong and pragmatic.

I believe that humans have the capacity and the strength to give up whatever it is that does us wrong: thoughts, attitudes, habits, people ... Giving up is the necessary step to achieve the ultimate goal: happiness. Only what makes us grow and feel good is valid because if it hurts it's not love.

You Can't Always Get What You Want

But If You Try Sometime

You Find You Get What You Need

I once had a boyfriend who, at 43 years old, told me: - "Despite having everything, I am not happy. I have never been happy and I know I will never be."

The worst of all is that it was true. He was spectacular on a physical level, athlete, very well educated, hilarious, millionaire and a real genius at a professional level... The real perfect man but still, he has never been and will never be happy. Logically someone who is not happy cannot make anyone happy, because happiness begins with oneself so yes ... unfortunately for him and his family, he seems doomed to perpetual emotional instability. This case may seem a bit extreme but the reality is that there are many more people incapable of giving love and / or emotional stability than we imagine and do not necessarily have to suffer from any mental disorder, like conflicting people, liars, sneaky persons ... My ex is honored to have been communicative and honest with me but no, even so, it was not easy to get out of there. Does that make me a weak person?

Falling in love with complicated people, abusers or kidnappers does not, a priori, make us weak or upset people. In fact, the well-known Stockholm Syndrome is something that does not really exist since it is not included in any international manual for the classification of psychopathological disorders. This is because today there is no unification of criteria regarding its diagnosis, characteristics and even its denomination of "syndrome".

The important thing about all this is knowing that what works for some does not have to work for us. That even if it once worked doesn't mean it will always work. Everything has an expiration date. It is not worth it to make us laugh once if later it is going to make us cry. Happiness is not that and if it hurts it is not love.